I have vivid dreams.
I’m not certain as to when these started, only that it was sometime in my early childhood. Several of these dreams are not only vivid but also recurring.
One of the earliest dreams I can remember, and this goes back to when I was less than ten, seems rather innocuous on the face of it but it terrified me as a child. It was very simple. In my dream was a huge rubber band and something was stretching it tighter and tighter and thinner and thinner. I could feel it about to break and the anticipation was horrifying. I don’t know that I ever knew what the consequences would be should it finally break, only that those consequences would be extremely dire to me.
After several years that dream occurred less and less frequently and eventually faded away to never return. It is one of the most vivid dreams I recall ever having.
Another dream which also reoccurred for many years found me in a huge house of many rooms. There were many hallways and stairs along with hidden passageways. In this dream I was searching for some hidden secret which I don’t recall ever finding. I still don’t know the nature of the secret but I knew it was very important and would tell me many things that I should know. One odd facet of this dream was that, every time I had this dream, the house was always the same and I seemed to get closer and closer to the room with the hidden secret.
This dream also faded after a while but did come back many years later after I was an adult. The series that occurred when I was an adult had me living in the house for a while, still trying to find its secret. At some point in my adult dreams, I had moved out of the house and it was eventually demolished. I’ve never had the dream since.
In my late twenties and early thirties, I began having dreams in which I would see myself; not as in looking in a mirror but as a separate person. The even stranger part of the dream was that the other me was older, maybe late forties or early fifties. I would always find my other self living in an upstairs apartment over a garage that had no vehicles parked inside. My other self had a slender youngish woman living with him who I would talk with at times. I never talked to my other self or confronted him face to face as he would either be sleeping when I arrived or, on a couple of occasions, would be just leaving as I walked in the front. All I ever had gotten was fleeting glances of my other self yet somehow I knew it was me.
At some point in the last ten or fifteen years, all my vivid dreams had stopped. It’s hard to pin down exactly when. One day I realized they just seemed to be gone and had been gone for some time. In fact, I realized that I had trouble recalling any dreams whatsoever. It was odd because, although the vivid dreams were often disquieting, I missed them in a way.
But then I woke about a week ago and still had a fleeting memory of a very vivid series of dreams that previous night. I couldn’t recall the details but I knew it was a vivid dream. I felt and hoped they were back.
I know it sounds odd to say I hoped they were back but I also know they were a part of my life that somehow felt important. It is almost as if there is another me that had gone missing and had finally turned up after a long absence. They feel good. I seem to have slept better when I’ve had a lucid dream. I feel more balanced and I feel more whole in my waking life when the other me is around.
Yes, life is strange but then that is where the beauty lies.