Recently, I had dinner with several friends at a local restaurant. We meet on occasion either by design or happenstance. I enjoy their company and feel relaxed when I am with them.
On this particular occasion, the conversation drifted toward a friend of theirs with whom I am not acquainted and they began to savage and belittle this apparent friend of theirs over some action he had taken. The details aren’t as important as how their actions struck me.
Later that evening, I thought about how often I’ve seen people I know belittle others. I have done it myself in the past and wonder about my motives. Is it concern over what I perceive to be incorrect behavior on someone else’s part? Or does it go beyond that.
Could the reason be insecurity? Is the desire to make someone else seem less than a way to boost one’s own sense of self worth or esteem? I suspect that is a large part of it.
That also made me realize that where I am today is a long way from where I was in the past. I know what it is like to look outside oneself for happiness, self-esteem, and a sense of worth. I believe many people are in that same place and wonder about a society that may foster that insecurity in its people.
At a certain point in my life, I knew I had to change since what I was doing wasn’t working for me. I resolved to look inward for my happiness and then came to a new realization. I did not know what made me happy or what it was that I really wanted. I had been so disconnected from my own wants and desires for so long by looking outside myself for that thing that would make me whole, that I had lost sight of who I really was.
Slowly, the person I am began to be revealed. It is hard to know if who I have found is the real me or if I have been essentially remaking myself.
Either way, I have come to know myself, perhaps only partially at this point but more importantly I learn more and more every day.
And I have come to love myself.
When love replaces fear, there is no room for insecurity.